We-loped!

Six hours later...

My appointments on Friday lasted six hours. It started with a CT scan (which the scheduler did not allow for the one hour that you have to drink the contrast liquid so we were rushed from one appointment to another) and ended with the surgeon showing us where incisions would be made. And I found out the surgery was moved to 8/8 from 8/6.

One of my first questions was when I could start playing tennis again. The surgeon made it clear to me that this was major surgery and I wouldn't be doing much of anything for six weeks. No lifting of more than 10 pounds (Daphne weighs 12!), no core work, walking and stairs OK.

I completely lost it when the wound ostomy nurse started to talk about my ileostomy bag. I talked to a friend who had a colostomy bag and she said she called her stoma a prairie dog hole because she never knew when something would pop out of it (thanks for the laugh, Barb!). I'm thinking of referring to my bag as a lamprey (it was either that or a remora).

There's even a special web site for items for people wearing ostomy bags called Ostomy Secrets. Who knew?

The doctor seemed surprised by my reaction, and assured me the bag was temporary. I told him that knowledge wasn't helping me now. The REALLY GOOD news is the flexible sigmoidoscopy revealed that the tumor has decreased to 10% of it's original size. Because of this, everything going forward should be more successful.

I'm putting all of the packets and information aside for now. It was an exhausting day but now I have better things to focus on. David and I picked up our rings from Goldmine Design yesterday. They aren't posted on her Facebook site yet but will be. Cindi was great and I highly recommend her to any one who wants a unique and special ring or piece of jewelry! Monday we go to city hall and Tuesday we head to Lummi Island for a wonderful honeymoon and birthday celebration at Willows Inn. The weather should be nice so we'll be able to drive Maude, who's been getting some Facebook time lately (two different links). Maybe we need to have a Facebook page just for her!

A fun day tomorrow

Here is my schedule for Friday July 19, 2013

8:00AM
CT Chest/Abdomen/Pelvic with UWMC Radiology CT 1

9:30AM
New Patient Appointment MDUWMC Surgical Specialty Center - General Surgery

10:30AM
UWMC Digestive Diseases Center for a 'flex sig'

11:30AM
RETURN with PSC RM6 (UW)UWMC Pre-Anesthesia Clinic

1:00PM
Return with URO WOUND/OSTOMY RNUWMC Wound/Ostomy


I had to ask why I was seeing a Wound/Ostomy nurse. I didn't know what one is and now the thing I am dreading most will become very real.

The noose tightens

Some of my readers may think I'm being morose, but for those of you who have been through this kind of thing, you understand.

After we returned from casting our rings for each other (I will post pictures, I promise!) there were two voice messages that sent me into a spiral of despair.

One was from the care advocacy person the insurance company has assigned to me. I get very suspicious when people from insurance companies call me and want to be my new BFF. My sister says what they are really doing is an utilization review. This could be interpreted as looking out for the interest of the patient, or looking out for the interest of the insurance company. Any way, having this case manager ask me more questions just reminds me of my upcoming procedure.

The second was from the scheduling nurse wanting to schedule a CT scan the morning I meet with the surgeon, get a "flex sig" and meet with the anesthesiologist. So the surgery date of 8/6 is looming closer and closer, and I only have three weeks before my way of life changes drastically. Yes, I know I'll get through this, but that does not help me through my current anxiety and dread.

I have been in total denial about what is coming, if I don't face it, maybe it will go away. I won't be able to do that much longer. I had a good sob about this, and David held my hand. He has been through all of this and is understanding and compassionate. Is it any wonder I am very happy we are going to get married?

Handling anxiety

For those of you who play tennis, you know the kind of shots where you have a lot of time to decide what to do and then you hit the ball into the net or out because you had too much time to think.

That's kind of what I'm going through now. I'm really enjoying not having medical appointments and some great weather we're having. Warm as it is, I've been able to play tennis for two hours outside a couple of times a week. I mean, just check out the weather map!

But I have an underling dread of upcoming procedures and treatments. People tell me to focus on the present and not the future, but not having been in this situation, you can't understand my feelings. Anxiety dreams about the hospital have caused disrupted sleep. Meetings at work are starting to schedule projects without me. Plans for a contractor to come in to cover for me are being made. Canceling my transit card. I feel I am fading out of the picture. Yes, I know this is temporary, but my emotions tell me otherwise.

Perhaps this is the reason I have always been an avid fitness person. It helps me on so many levels, and an article in the NYTimes added more validation for exercise helping me keep relatively sane. Besides friends and family, taking walks, playing tennis and counting repetitions maybe one of the things that gets me though this.

Have happy and safe 4th!