The noose tightens

Some of my readers may think I'm being morose, but for those of you who have been through this kind of thing, you understand.

After we returned from casting our rings for each other (I will post pictures, I promise!) there were two voice messages that sent me into a spiral of despair.

One was from the care advocacy person the insurance company has assigned to me. I get very suspicious when people from insurance companies call me and want to be my new BFF. My sister says what they are really doing is an utilization review. This could be interpreted as looking out for the interest of the patient, or looking out for the interest of the insurance company. Any way, having this case manager ask me more questions just reminds me of my upcoming procedure.

The second was from the scheduling nurse wanting to schedule a CT scan the morning I meet with the surgeon, get a "flex sig" and meet with the anesthesiologist. So the surgery date of 8/6 is looming closer and closer, and I only have three weeks before my way of life changes drastically. Yes, I know I'll get through this, but that does not help me through my current anxiety and dread.

I have been in total denial about what is coming, if I don't face it, maybe it will go away. I won't be able to do that much longer. I had a good sob about this, and David held my hand. He has been through all of this and is understanding and compassionate. Is it any wonder I am very happy we are going to get married?