53% Done

I'm just past the half way mark and still feeling good. Played a USTA match last night, and although my partner and I lost, I felt good about how we played - it was a close match.

Of course, this is the first phase of my treatment. As I get closer to the second phase, my anxiety increases. It's not just the surgery, it's the before and after. Before I'll have to be on a liquid diet for a number of days. Afterwards there's the week in the hospital - I hate hospitals! You have no control, people wandering around all the time asking you the same questions over and over. And then there's the bag, I REALLY have a problem with this. I do have friends who have worn them and will definitely talk to them as to how they dealt with the situation. A number of people have told me that it's better than the alternative or I'll get through it. Well, some people shave their heads in solidarity with someone who has lost their hair through cancer treatments. Would any one like to get a colostomy bag in solidarity with me? Didn't think so.

And, while recovering I'll be away from my tribes - home, work, tennis and foodie friends. I know I won't be  totally isolated, many people want to keep in contact, which I truly appreciate. But losing the daily rhythm I have now feels, again, like I don't have any control.

Am I a closet control freak? Don't think so, I think everyone likes to feel like they are in control, even if it is an illusion.

Off to bake an upside-down rhubarb cake, something I have control over!

Home tribe pride: